Sophie and I

The Addiction of Validation

A little while back, I got really close with this friend of mine. Let’s call her Sophie.

Sophie showed a lot potential as a really close friend. She was inviting, bubbly, and had so many different avenues of her personality that were all so deep and interesting. She had so many qualities about her that made me curious about her life and who she was. I wanted to learn more about her and spend more time with her, so I did.

Initially, the growth of our friendship was a slow burn. She’d invite me to hang every once in a while, and vice versa. However, as we began to learn more about each other, we would talk more and more. We’d sit on the couch and talk about our big life moments, or go on drives and spend time talking about our favorite new recipes or do it yourself crafts we were making. We even started doing that “girl thing” where we wouldn’t go to the bathroom without each other! And I spent way more time in the bathroom because of her… We’d just go down rabbit holes and talking about the most random topics in today’s pop culture world.

Somewhere along the line, we established each other as ‘best friends.’ This felt electrifying. To be known by someone so well, and me know her? It was almost too good to be true… until one day, she randomly brought up that she was interested in losing weight. I didn’t think much of it until she kept talking about it, and even suggesting that I needed to lose weight too. I tried to brush off the little jabs I’d feel when she would say negative side comments about my appearance, but one day, I looked in the mirror and thought that maybe she had a point. I could stand to lose a few pounds.

From there, our conversations became more infiltrated with weight loss hacks, body check comparisons, and she’d even give me the newest supplement she was taking to curb her appetite. And the more I would listen, the more into the whole thing I got. She would hype me up and give me validation, so I kept seeking her approval. I started leaning into her every word. I’d talk to her first thing when I opened my eyes in the morning. I’d text her all morning while I got ready, and even when I drove to work. At work, I’d yearn for each meeting to be over because I knew that meant I’d be able to talk to Sophie, and she’d show me pictures of other girls who I should look like. And although it made me feel so horrible about myself, something about it was addicting.

After work, I’d sit and talk to her for hours even though I knew I shouldn’t be wasting my time with someone who made me feel so bad about myself. She’d tell me I’m ugly, or that I wasn’t worth anyone’s time. And I’d believe her. Why wouldn’t I? She made me feel… in control.

After a while, I replaced everything in my life with her. Instead of reading my bible, I’d read her. Instead of cleaning, I’d search her. Instead of living my life, I’d stare at her. Until one day… I couldn’t take it anymore. I was a slave to Sophie.

I tried to tell her that we needed some distance. I mean, anyone who hangs out 24/7 should establish some boundaries, right? Well, for a little while, we applied those boundaries, but we missed each other so much, that we went right back to where we were before, or even deeper. Our friendship was toxically addicting.

At this point, I felt horrible about myself. I couldn’t leave Sophie, but she made me feel awful. I tried to talk to God, but then I’d get distracted because Sophie would call, or I’d call her. It was more interesting to be with her. It was more validating… until the validation started affecting how I viewed myself.

“You’re flabby and soft.”

“You shouldn’t go out in public looking like that.”

“You shouldn’t be on this earth!”

“Why were you even born?”

All things Sophie said to me, and I believed her.

So where do I go from here? And why can’t I end our friendship?

Sophie is not my friend. Sophie is social media.

Put the phone down. Pick the Bible up. God knows the truth. Your algorithm doesn’t.